Learning to Cope with a Break-up
I’m not going to sugar coat a break-up — they’re tough. Sometimes it may feel like your entire world has suddenly crashed down around you, and you may think you’ll never get through it.
You will get through it — but you need to learn how to cope with a break-up the right way first. True, there are no rules written in stone that ensure everyone will cope with a break-up the same way, but there are general phases most women must go through in order to truly get over such a devastating event.
The World has Ended
Yes, I know it seems like you will never find another man as caring, compassionate and loving as your former flame. I’ve been through several breakups, and it’s tempting to simply block out all emotions and become a veritable zombie.
Guess what? That never works! You need to actually experience all of those emotions in order to truly begin getting over your loss.
So ladies, go ahead — cry, scream, throw things (soft things, please!) and eat a pound of ice cream if you must. I listen to sappy love songs and write depressing poetry when I’m suffering after a break up. The bottom line? Feel your emotions, and one day you’ll realize you can find happiness again.
The No-Contact Rule
After you’ve used up 20 boxes of tissue and ate the entire contents of your fridge, don’t reach for the telephone in an attempt to reach your ex. The no-contact rule (at least for the first 3 months) will ensure you aren’t entertaining ideas of the two of you getting back together.
Remember, you broke up for a reason. Even if you thought the relationship was perfect, you have to learn to accept the fact that it’s over and avoid contacting him. Don’t call him, don’t e-mail him, don’t have any form of communication with your ex whatsoever and you will soon be able to cope.
Get Rid of Reminders
I’ve dealt with some seriously bad break-ups, and having a bunch of stuff around that reminds you of an ex will not help you accept reality.
Box up photographs, presents and anything else that reminds you of your former boyfriend and store it away somewhere you can’t easily access. Out of sight, out of mind, remember? If you constantly surround yourself with physical objects of your former relationship, you will never truly be able to get out of the emotional rut you find yourself in after a break-up.
Surround Yourself with Love
During a break up, chances are that the last thing you want is tons of sympathy and pity from friends and family. However, these are your rock! Good friends and relatives can help take you through the tough times and support you as you learn to cope.
Don’t shun those around who love you because you are hurting. They will be able to offer tons of love and support, and hopefully help you realize that life will not always look this dark.
Of course, a girl needs a little “me time” every now and then — and pampering yourself after a break-up is extremely therapeutic. Get a makeover, head to the nail salon for a manicure and pedicure, or book a spa trip with your mother and have a girls’ day out.
Even something small, such as buying that new eyeshadow you really like or treating yourself to an ice cream cone, can help you begin the healing process. Now that you are no longer in a relationship, you can begin focusing on making you the best person you can be! There’s nothing wrong with choosing to focus on your own needs now that you are single again, and sometimes a girl just needs a bit of pampering to help her cope.
While women can and do deal with break-ups differently, these are general rules that apply to every woman suffering heart break. Realize that you are not alone, and eventually you can cope with the break-up and find happiness once again.