It’s Not You, It’s Me

couple on the beach

Relationships can go through rocky periods for a number of reasons. Usually the blame is shared, or perhaps there is no blame involved at all; every couple goes through ups and downs, and usually they just weather the storm together. However, if you are having personal difficulties that don’t have anything to do with your partner, this can have an affect on your relationship that can be frustrating for both of you, and can have profound effects on how you relate to each other.

Problems at your work can cause unexpected issues at home. We all like to think that we can be the kind of people who separate office life from personal life, but rarely is that actually the case. It’s perfectly understandable that if you are being reviewed for some reason, or if your company is going through something like personnel restructuring, the anticipation will cause a lot of stress. No one likes to sit at home wondering if they’ll still have a job next week. Shortness of temper, impatience, and moodiness are all things that can pop up if you’re worried about the future of your career. Be careful not to take these things out on your partner; after all, this is the one person who will be on your side no matter what happens, so you want to do your best to nurture that relationship. Let them know how you’re feeling, because even though it’s not their responsibility to deal with your work problems, people tend to be a lot more understanding of a difficult situation if they know what’s going on. Keep your partner in the loop.

Your personal health is another area which can cause unexpected tension. If you are going through a bout of illness or have gotten some worrying news from the doctor, you may not handle it as smoothly as you would like. Illness can be very disruptive to your emotional well-being, and this in turn can have negative effects on how you relate to your partner. You may be tempted to shut yourself in and not share anything with anyone, or you might unintentionally use your illness as an excuse not to deal with any number of issues that pop up in your relationship. Again, don’t leave your partner uninformed if you’re struggling to deal with the consequences of being sick. Nobody wants to be a burden, but everyone needs help sometimes, and you should feel reassured that you have someone you can lean on for support. After all, you’d want to do the same for them, and it’s likely your partner will feel better to be included in your private life than they would by you “sparing” them from having to deal with it.

Family issues can crop up occasionally, or with some families there’s a constant stream of crises to deal with. This can put a lot of strain on you, especially since your partner doesn’t know what it was like to grow up in your family, and you can sometimes wonder if they’d ever be able to understand. But remember, most families have some sort of perpetual drama; it’s not just your relatives who have all the problems. Your relationship with your partner can be your safe haven, the one place where you can retreat and escape the family for a while. Your partner may even be able to help with something, which can not only strengthen your relationship, but can bring them closer to the other members of your family.

As with any partnership, communication in all areas is a key factor of success, and this extends to things that apply more to one partner than the other. Remember that part of the nature of partnership is that you deal with any and all bumps in the road together, regardless of where they originate. It’s difficult sometimes to share your personal problems with someone you care about, because you don’t want to feel like you’re a liability, but as long as you’re there for them when they need help as well, then there’s no harm in admitting that you’re human, and you cannot expect your life to be perfect all the time. Give your partner a chance to prove that they understand that better than you think.

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