How to Keep the Intimacy Alive when You’re Trying to Get Pregnant


In the beginning, trying to get pregnant is kind of fun: lots of “quality time” with hubby, the hopes of that two line Home Pregnancy Test in a few weeks…. But then, the weeks turn into months and the months may even turn into years, and well, it’s not so fun anymore. As I wrote on my TTC blog one day, “I am so tired of having sex, especially timed sex.” The response was overwhelming. Almost everyone else agreed with me.

The physical intimacy is very difficult to keep alive when you’re trying to conceive, but for the sake of your marriage, it needs to be kept alive. Your marriage needs to be kept first, whether it’s in the trying to get pregnant stage or the kids stage. If you and your husband can keep the fires burning now, then chances are, you’ll be able to keep them burning later on. Trying to conceive can take a lot out of a marriage.

Friendship and Laughter

Take time out from the almost-obsession of getting pregnant and make time for friendship and laughter with your husband. Go out for coffee and discuss something you’re both passionate about. Go to the zoo and laugh at the penguins (they are such odd little creatures). Take a walk and hold hands. Text each other. Do the little — and big — things that you did when you were dating.


Date each other. Take weekend trips to bed and breakfasts. If you can, make one night a week your date night. Do whatever you can to make sure the dating part of your relationship stays alive. It helps feed the romance.

Take a break from TTC

Some months you just have to take a break from temperature taking and charting graphs and the stress of the two week wait. Those things can be so emotionally consuming that it’s hard to remember the man you are in love with, or why you fell in love with him in the first place. Although getting pregnant will never be completely out of your mind, if you can deliberately choose not to try some months, at least you aren’t having timed sex or stressing out in the two weeks between ovulation and testing time.

Make love, don’t baby dance

I know, easier said than done, but really, you have to have sex, just for the sake of making love with your husband, during this time. If the only times you come together as husband and wife is to make a baby, the beauty of your sexual relationship will get lost in a hurry. This is especially important to the men in our lives, as they feel emotionally connected with us when the intimacy factor of our marriage is high. As much as they may want a baby with you, it is not the only reason they want to have sex with you. They also want to just be with their wife sometimes.

New Locations

Have sex in different rooms of the house. I’m not trying to be kinky here. It’s just that this aspect of your relationship might need some spicing up, due to the exhaustion part of it, and taking it to places other than the bedroom might help achieve this.

Light some candles

Even if it is ovulation time, don’t just make it about trying to get pregnant. Throw in a long massage, some background music, and light some candles. Always seek to keep it about love, not just about getting pregnant.


There is nothing like new lingerie to put a spring into your step and light up your husband’s eyes as well. And heaven knows how desperately a spring in the step and a light in the eyes is needed during this time!

It may very well feel like the days of spontaneous intimacy are over, but they’re not. They are there, they just may be hidden behind OPKs and thermometers and HPTs. It’s in your power to make them re-appear again. Have fun doing so!

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